Unforgiven
by Highqueen Julietta
Summary: After Peter has failed protecting his siblings, he cannot escape the guilt. But then, somebody comes into his life, who is able to teach him how to forgive himself. But will their love survive the war? set after PC. Susan/PC, Peter/OC, Ed/OC? Main-C.DEATH
1. Guilt

Unforgiven by Highqueen Julietta

**Disclaimer:**** I do own nothing but Peter- he´s mine ; ) … No, honestly, everything but the storyline and my ideas and Derrilin belongs to C.S. Lewis… *sniff* **

**Summary:**** After Peter has failed protecting his siblings, he cannot escape the guilt. But then, somebody comes into his life, who is able to teach him, how to forgive himself. But will their love survive the war?**

**Story Notes:**** Set after PC. Moviebased.**

**WARNING! Main Character death- but not in this chapter ;)**

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"Guilt is anger directed at ourselves -- at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others -- at what they did or did not do."

_Peter McWilliams_

"Guilt once harbored in the conscious breast, intimidates the brave, degrades the great"

Samuel Johnson

**Chapter 1- Guilt**

The barouche kept on clattering, driving through the nocturnal landscape. If Peter would have looked outside the window, he would have had a beautiful sight on the Narnian Forest, but he kept his eyes close. He didn't want to see his siblings gazing on him with that familiar look of reproach.

His hands were clenched into fists while he was sitting on the edge of his seat, not allowing himself to move. Like a hollow statue, which was about to break.

He felt the weight of guilt on his shoulders. It never left him, accompanying him everywhere he was going. Peter could barely concentrate on something else.

Although, he didn't need to. He wasn't given much responsibility since the… accident happened. Nobody trusted him anymore and he knew that.

He wasn't worth being the Highking any more. Since he had failed.

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**Authors notes: ****Thank you sooo much for reading my first chapter! I know, its quite short, but next chapters will be longer…**

**I hope you enjoyed it… Please review!!!!! I beg you ;) And if you find any mistakes concerning the english language, please tell me!!!**

**Thanks, guys!**

**I will continue soon… **

**Have a nice day, Highqueen Julietta **


	2. A Promise to keep

**Authors Notes: Yay, this is chapter 2! It`s sort of Peters memory, so it`s set before the first chapter (which was more like an introduction). (uhm, it's a bit confusing, isnt it?) Well-the beginning of this chapter is not good, but improves (or at least I hope so =) )**

**Story Notes:** Just as an information:

_Peter = 18 or 19_

_Lucy = 12_

_Susan = 17_

_Edmund = 15_

_Caspian = 22 or 23_

I don't know if it works, cause I havent read the books but that's my imagination…

Hope u enjoy-please read and review!

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**Chapter 2- A Promise to keep**

This was simply… impossible! It couldn't be!

Peter blinked, but nothing changed. The green meadow he stood on seemed familiar, although he didn't know it… There could be no doubt: They were in Narnia again.

Speechless, Peter gazed at his siblings.

Susan seemed surprised and, wondering, she raised an eyebrow. She just couldn't imagine being here again, after all Aslan had told them.

"Impossible…" she whispered, repeating the words she said on her first visit.

Lucy was dancing around, loughing. There was that excited look she always had in Narnia. Her brown eyes were glowing from that gleam of happiness as she gave Peter a tight embrance.

"Oh Peter! He let you come back!" Peter smiled back and twirled her around. Even though he didn't know WHY this could happen, it was definetily a postive change…

* * *

Slowly, Peter leaned back against the cool rocks, his sprained foot outstretched. Looking back, it was just simply stupid and non-Peter-ish, not to look at the way and bending over…

Peter had had a lot of injuries during his lifetime, but NEVER because of his own…unwariness. Anyway, he couldn't change it, even though he didn't like being the weakest part of his family.

_The pain came sudden. Peter hadn`t been able to see the pit before stepping into it and bending over. _

_A piercing pain climbed up his leg like a flame, and he could barely hold back a scream. _

_Edmund reached him first._

"_How bad is it?" Ed asked while pulling his brother careful out of the hole._

"_Ouch!" Peter gasped. "Well, it cant be that bad… I think I can walk."_

_Edmund looked at him doubtfully, but he helped him up. Peter stretched and tried to walk._

_The pain returned, and Peter fell into his brothers arms. _

"_Yeah… sure. Damn, stop denying ! " Edmund sighed and looked at his older brothers leg. _

_Peter didn't just want to sit around and being gazed at like a little boy, who had just scratched his knees, but he propably had no choice, so he let his siblings examine him._

"_Its propably sprained…Great." Susan looked at him with her "I-told-you-so-but you-don't-listen-to-me"-look. Eventhough his leg really hurt, he couldn't hold back a smile…_

Peter sat in the "entrance" of the cavern, unwilling to move.

Susan and Ed had gone to explore the surroundings (Peter never understood, why Narnia couldn't throw them out directly at the castle or a village, but always in an abandoned landscape…), so he and Lucy should spend a night in this cavern.

The sunset was already over and the night brought a cold breeze. His body was aching and his muscles were asleep, but he didn't dare to move his hurt foot. So he just staid in his uncomfortable position and slowly drifted away to sleep…

"PETER?"

Peter awakened; he had heard that demand innumerable often in his life.

"What`s up, Lu?" Lucy was still awake.

"Peter… I cant sleep. Can I come over to you?"

"Sure."

Quiet, Lucy stood up from her "bed" (which meant a palliasse and Peters coat) and crawled over into the arms of her eldest brother, careful not to hurt him. For a while they just sat like that, close together, Peters arms wrapped around his little sister.

"Peter, do you think, everything is the same like as we left?"

"Uhm, Lu, I hope so… But even if its not, it cant be that bad."

"Why, Pete? What if Caspian isnt King anymore? What if Narnia is in war again?"

He felt Lucy shudder at that thought.

"Does it matter? I think, we would get things sorted again… together."

"But what if… we´ll be departed? If someone doesn't survive? " … " I couldn't bear that."

Pete felt his own heart stop beating. With all the love for his little sister, he pulled her tight to his chest.

"We will always stay together. I promise."

For the next minutes, Lucy was quiet. Then Peter realised she was sleeping.

Careful not to wake her up, he pulled her more tight to his heart. He knew, he couldn't sleep, so holding her was all he could do.

Keeping her warm and safe in the embrance of his arms.

* * *

The next morning, his arms were empty. Peter realised with a shock that Lucy wasn't there. Alarmed, he stood up, carefully trying to charge his foot.

He didn't feel the pain in his leg as he ran in the direction of the cliffs.

There she was, walking along the beach. Peter relaxed.

She was still there. She was still safe.

Not wanting to bother her, he kept watching her silently, now sitting- and suddenly froze.

**Authors Notes:**

**Yay. Thanks for reading! **

**Well this was the second chap, and, eventhough I tried sooo hard, I couldn't avoid the unavoidable sentnece… I guess you know…**

**Well, now that there are holidays I expect to upload the next chapter very soon.**

**PLEASE REVIEW AND I WILL BE THANKFUL 4-EVER!!! =)**

**Thanks, guys!**


	3. I ve failed

**Disclaimer****: Still own just the plot…**

**Authors Notes:**

Here we go again!! =) Sorry that it took sooo long to update but we had a lot of excursions of school and so on. Even a mental breakdown came in between, and, to be honest, I didn't dare to go writing this chap. Yeah, I know I am a coward * sigh* But now to the third chapter, which will be the most … uhm… interesting chapter till now- I hope so, at least.Thanks for your kind reviews and for adding my story to ur Alert-list!!! Just saw that this story got 200 hits! YAY!

**Please don't kill me after reading this chap…**

**Story Notes: It might be quite fitting to listen to the song**

"**In my Arms" by Plumb while reading this, because it was a huge insipration for this chap…**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 3 – I´ve failed

Not wanting to bother her, he kept watching her silently, now sitting- and suddenly froze. Suddenly, three things happened at the same time.

Blurry, he caught a movement in the trees from the angle of his eye. Lucy turned and saw her older brother, smiling brightly.

The third thing he noticed was the swooshing of an arrow.

Peter felt his breathing stop, everything moving in slowmotion.

"Lucy!!!" His warning scream was hoarse. Everything inside him was screaming, lurching forward to protect his beloved sister, the sense of his life.

_Please, no, Lu! Lucy, hear me! TURN! NO!! JUMP!!! PLEASE!!! Oh Aslan, don't let this happen !!!_

Finally, she realised the danger she was in. But it was to late, Peter already saw the arrow, inevitable directed at Lucy, the always shining, valiant Queen.

Panicked, she gazed at the weapon, stumbling backwards.

Peter was unable to think, unable to move, unable to scream. He could just stand and watch the death threaten the one he needed to keep safe, hoping for a miracle.

Lucy stumbled.

***Promise me u will review, alright? Then lets read further… =) ***

Just as the arrow reached his aim.

(Susans POV)

Sigh.

Ed was now walking so fast that I nearly couldn't keep up. Luckily, we had found signs of civilisation- a very small village. Its inhabitans showed us the way to go to Caspian. Eventhough they didn't seem to be knowing what we would want there.

But the fact that they didn't recognize us made the whole thing of course much easier.

And, yeah, Caspian was still king. It was hard not to show my relief as we found out. But there are so many questions in my head.

Will he still, uhm, have feelings for me? (I know, this is just a silly-girls-thought, but I cant help myself. The kiss between us had turned my world upside down.)

What role will we play? Shall we reign again, together with Caspian, or do the people even remember? (I keep asking myself, how many years have passed in Narnia during our some-days-absence…)

Uh, and by the way, why were Pete and I even able to return?

Questions, questions… and no answers.

"C´mon, Su! I don't wanna sleep another night in a stuffy cavern!"

Sigh.

The swing of the arrow hitting her threw Lucy back.

This image of his sister, falling, helpless, finally made Peters numbness disappear.

"LUCY!"

He jumped down the cliff, running as fast as he could.

No! NO!!

Arriving Lucy, his heart stopped breathing.

No…

The arrow hit her directly into her stomach. Blood was floating from the wound. Lucy was trembling. Fear and pain in her eyes.

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. Carefully, Peter lifted her up into his arms, trying to calm her down while he himself was desperatly trying to ignore the fact that Lu´s life was threatened.

"Sh, Lu… It´ll be okay." Peter could hardly fight back his tears, because he knew it would not.

Lucys big brown eyes looked at him with fear- and trust. That hurt Peter more than seeing the wound. His little one still believed in his strength, still believed he was able to rescue her.

Exhausted and helpless, the former High King fell to his knees.

(Lucys POV)

I felt the warm blood pouring out of my body. It hurt, oh, it hurt so much!

But Peter was there, he was holding me. His familiar blue eyes gave me strength to hope. I knew I couldn't survive but I wanted to keep the faith.

A new wave of pain floated my body. Now I couldn't hold back the tears. Searching for comfort, I nestled against my eldest brothers chest.

With a shock, I realised that there was something important I had to tell Peter.

"P-Peter" I choked hoarsely. He jerked at the sound of my broken voice and looked me in the eyes with despair and disbelief.

" …need… go. ..important ! Cair P..-Paraveil. " was all I could say before my voice died.

I didn't think he even heard it but their was no time to repeat with my body growing weaker and weaker.

"Peter, I love you" was the last thing I whispered.

A slight nausea caught me but I didn't care. I knew it was over.

Dying in Peters strong arms.

Her body became cold and pale. Peter realised everything but could just stare at Lucy, his little one. There were no thoughts in his head, everything hidden by shock and disbelief.

She looked at him, urgently telling him something. But he didn't hear anything through his mental walls.

"Peter, I love you…" she whispered. As her breathing stopped, he knew it was over.


	4. In Memoriam

**Authors Notes: ****Yeah, sorry for the loooong upload =( Read the reasons on my profile page!**

**And again such a short chapter =(**

**So, a promise is a promise and has to be kept. I reached 430(!!!) and now I´ll upload. **

**Enjoy, read and REVIEW! * doggy eyes * Pleeeease…**

**BTW:Sorry, yeah, I said weeks (?) ago, "I will upload today!"; but I had problems with my PC. **

**Story Notes: ****After the cruel last chapter, this one deals with how the Pevensies handle her sisters death.**

**Its written in Edmunds POV.**

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**Chapter 4- In memoriam**

_(Edmunds POV)_

In his siblings presence, he had had himself under control, but alone, Edmund couldn't keep his feelings locked in.

He had needed to get away from her… corpse. But the most he has to leave Peter behind for a moment. The anger at his older brother nearly overwhelmed him. Anger at his older brother, which he had always adored- until now.

It was really disturbing to see Peter so out of his mind: He had held Lucys dead body and didn't let go of her. That's how Su and Ed found him, sitting like a statue in the wet sand.

He didn't even realize his other siblings presence, not even as his brother survived the first waves of shock and sadness and tried to comfort the former Highking. Peter just stared at Lucys pale face… Well, that's how it seemed to Edmund first. But in fact, Peter didn't even see her. He didn't see anyone. He just stared into nowhere and didn't react to anything.

Just with the help of the sobbing Su, he managed to carry both Peter and Lucy into the cavern, where the rain could do them no harm.

_Swoush!_ Angry, Edmund attacked a tree, again and again.

Memories were flashing through his head, memories of Lucy. They had been so close since their first Narnia adventure…

_How jealous he had been when she was born and neither his parents nor his siblings seemed to care about him. The fascination of seeing her tiny little fingers move, closing around his thumb._

_The first time she spoke his name, after having learned "Peter". How these letters; "Eddy", being spoken with her cute baby voice, gave him a fluffy feeling in his stomach._

_How proud he was as Lucy started to copy him a little._

_How good it felt to comfort her after dangerous nightmare and help her get pack to sleep again._

_How much he had missed his father as he departed to war and how he hated Peter for doing his fathers part. And how lonely he felt as Susan didn't want to play with him anymore and Lucy took Peters side._

_The remorse he felt betraying her after visiting Narnia the first time and the desperation as he had betrayed his siblings to the White Witch. Sitting alone in the White Witchs prison, Lucys innocent, brown eyes came into his mind and he burst into tears._

_The shock, as he heard the Dryade say she had "sad news from your sisters" and the relief: Lucy was alive. How grateful he was as Lucy healed his physical wounds with her cordial and his mental wounds with a bright smile._

_How it tore him apart seeing Lu missing Narnia so much back in England and how bad it felt, being unable to help her._

_The happy look inher eyes as they returned and how that gave him chills._

_How dissapointed he had been of Peter as he refused to believe Lucy to cross the gorge._

He missed her voice, her laughter, her smile. He missed her embrace and the most her doggy eyes.

Edmund knew, he would give **everything **now to know she was safe. Maybe she already was, already was with Aslan. His heart broke when he thought of her.

But all he could do was to hope that Lu would not see him weak, not see Susan sitting in the corner,motionless, with her eyes wide open in shock. And the most not to see Peter…

Lucy wouldn't want them to break apart because of her. Edmund wanted to be strong for Lu: He knew she would have wanted that. But it was so hard. Thinking of her made his heart stop beating, tore him apart. There was a hole inside him.

He felt so empty. Ed wanted to cry for his little sister, but he couldn't.

He let himself fall onto the soft forest ground. Exhausted, he curled up like a baby. Closing his eyes, finally the tears escaped, running down his cheeks and dampening the meadow.

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REVIEW!!! Plz… =) Hope u enjoyed… The holidays are there and with them 5 weeks of freetime. Hurray!!

Oh, and sorry for the "sobbing Su"- I know it sounds stupid, but I couldn't think of something else.


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